Woh.
One man’s description of how he used to gain 17 pounds in a week at home

Well, for breakfast I’d have two eggs, six biscuits with butter an jelly, half a quart of milk, six sausages, six strips of bacon, and a couple of homemade cinnamon rolls. Then I’d hit Maclean’s Bakery. They have a kind of fried cinnamon roll I love. Maybe I’d have two or three of them. Then , on the way downtown to have lunch, I might stop at Kresge’s and have two chili dogs and couple of root beers. . . Then I’d go to lunch. What I really like for lunch is something like a hot beef sandwich or a hot turkey sandwich. Open faced, loaded with that flour gravy. With mashed potatoes. Then dutch apple pie. . Then sometimes in the afternoon I’d pick up a pie and go to my friend’s house, and we’d cut the pie down the middle and put half in a bowl for each of us, and then take a quart of ice cream and cut that down the middle and put it on top of the pie. We’d wash it down with Pepsi. Then that would be it until I stopped at my sister’s house. She’s very big on crunchy peanut butter. . . .Then for dinner we’d maybe go to Charlie Bryant’s or one of the barbecues out on the highway. At the movies I’d always have a bag of corn and a big Coke and knock off a Payday candy bar. Then we’d always end up at Winstead’s, of course. Two double cheeseburgers with everything but onions, a fresh lime coke, and a frostry malt. It is was before eleven, I’d stop at the Zarda dairy for one of their 49 cent banana splits. Then I’d get home maybe some cherry pie and a 16 ounce pepsi.

From "The Tummy Trilogy" by Calvin Trillin